Day 46 and the acceptance of the realities

After 46 days of game abstinence, I am still trying to find my place in the world.

There is hope.

But there are also setbacks. How can I ever reach standing among the world of eternal competition and struggle? One must find the means to support the mundane everyday trappings. I am old, too old. I am the underdog, the one that did not get the Walt Disney version of life and just got beaten and trampled. This world is a world of excess and overconsumption that too nonchalantly just replaces the any dysfunctional or worn out cogs and bolts in its design.

For sixteen years I have applied for literally thousands of jobs, build my resume with volunteer work, scraps of internships, additional education and with a barrage of various odd jobs. I have my master's degree and three undergraduates. Over 800 student credit points. Still, I have never even gotten an interview. Never.

It was easier to understand that you were sidelined, when you could see they hired someone older and more experienced with top notch resumes. But now, they just hire ever younger, with even leaner resumes.

But I think there is a truth to learn here.

Working life for those with university degrees seems to be hopelessly oversaturated. So why bother. I was once the fledgling young with a meager plumage of a resume. So, let them have their day to bask in the sun.

I may be an outdated obsolete model, but I have to take comfort in the fact that I have built the ladders and seen over the hills and far away. It may be possible for me to lead others down the path. During my times in the university I was always juggling along with the sons and daughters of the privileged, respected, connected, wealthy and cultured. In the terms of the theoretical framework of Pierre Bourdieu’s theory of capital I realized I was always at an disadvantage. 

What I lacked in the boons of my ancestors I could try to accrue and pass on. I think that is the wisdom I learned from my parents: you can’t change the trappings of your childhood, but you can always try to provide a better childhood and future for your own children.