I have relapsed, it was a while back. I wanted to write, but I couldn’t. Too tired, too ashamed.
Day 51, that’s it.
How do I count these days now? I relapsed and failed. During my previous trials I had many times compiled a plan to play a game. And when the moment came, it took me only five minutes to turn back to gaming. I had read and I had been warned to create obstacles and boundaries, that would inhibit the possibility.
I searched my computer for my compiled stash of old dos games. The sheer thrill of looking at my old favorites ran the urge up high. All these masterful classics: Covert Action, Buzz Aldrin’s Race into Space, Dune (the original Cryo Interactive version from 1992), Princess Maker 2, Ufo: Enemy Unknown, Floor 13, Hidden Agenda, Master of Magic, Sword of the Samurai, Settlers 2, Master of Orion 2. God, my mind salivated the very thought of returning to these good old moments.
I needed to wind down, get lost in the haze, forget the worries and woes. And the only solution left felt so commanding and strong. I knew I had only small sliver of freedom, a brief moment of time for myself before the harsh realities of life would begin their grind again.
After this moment of anticipation I just downloaded and installed dosbox. Rest is history.
It helps to forget the anxiety.
It comforts with its stories.
It lets the overactive mind finally rest.
-- It’s a poor substitution to a real meaningful life.
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