Day 32 and the end of games?

Day 32

After 32 days of game abstinence I have found out that you can’t simply turn off that part of your brain so easily. A rough estimate by Steamtime, I have deduced that I have played at least about 30 000 hours in my lifetime, that’s about 3,5 years of gaming. Videogaming has been my favorite hobby since childhood.

I daydream.

My mind reminiscences about video games like Sid Meir’s Covert Action, Ufo 1 ja 2, X-Com 1 ja 2, Xenonauts, Phoenix Point, Rimworld, Clanfolk, Oxygen not included, Star Traders: Frontiers, Suzerain, Disco Elysium, The Dig, Sword of Stars Feasibility Tech Tree, The Next World, Yes my king, Book of Hours, Dune and BeeCarbonize.

In Sid Meir’s Covert Action I am the ultimate counter-agent, the force that gathers clues. The very act of tracing through the clues is addicting. Through what route must one move to find the important clue forward – and not a red herring. I miss the feeling of connecting the jigjaw puzzle of clues, uncovering the underlying system and trying to create the best system to catch em all.

In the original Ufo’s, the remade X-com’s, Xenonauts and Phoenix Point I miss the feeling of achievement when making a technological breakthrough. The shear difficulty of trying to beat the odds against ever increasing opposition with tight roleplaying, aggressive strategy and careful tactics.

Although, now that I think, the tactics part was always bit dreary and repeating. Don’t get me wrong, it’s exciting, terrifying and exhilarating to engage the foe on the tactical field – but to me it’s has the overwhelming feeling of repetition. Mostly I liked the story of what happened in the tactical field – a band of individual characters endeared the odds and some survived and some not. Without Ironman mode, these tactical game portions would always lead to endless load/save cycles.

Hmm. To me, maybe the story, roleplaying the game, the feeling of against overwhelming odds and strategy level of gaming was always the main appeal. These themes are also present among my other daydreamed games.

Most strange is the aspect association of a thought pattern in real-life situations. I see events and different modern everyday technologies presented as an continuation in the hierarchical tree. My mind reminds me of the multiple applicable uses of objects not just in real life but also in a game worlds in their ever altering fantasy environments. It’s hard to see a tree and rock without also identifying it’s multipurpose or meaningless in different games. It’s the same with studying different fields of science in university – one becomes capable of seeing the underlying sociological, cultural, historical and technical currents and systems at affect.

My mind always leaps in to the managerial and strategical viewpoint. Easily daydreaming myself away, seeing myself not as a individual but as an theoretician moving invisible plans and objects. Maybe that is the hardest point of realization about your place in the real life: you are just a small insignificant pawn in a decentralized system of insignificant pawns. There are leaders, politicians, tycoons, wealthy, kings, queens, tyrants, celebrities, influencers, demagogues et cetera – but all in their power are diminished by the human condition and limits. One cannot micromanage but a tiny portion of anything, everything also is all about grand scale strategy, exerting influence and engaging in endless social games with other power players.

In the gameworld only the sky is the limit.

It is frightening in a sense.

Would you rather rule in hell than serve in ...... whatever this reality truly is?

I doubt this reality is heaven, but maybe it is all we have.