Adrift at sea.
Adrift at sea in a small rowboat. Endless ocean waving across, with no shore or shelter to be seen. Two oars, a crude planket for cover and shelter. 'O' Mighty sea! Tell me where to go and see.'
There is no answer, no change. Only the waves creaking the boat.
That is the overly common feeling for me during these last decades. At moments I have had a feeling that there is something somewhere if keep on rowing and rowing. Like a beacon - waiting, illuminating, signaling. A way forward. A way to new world and new existence.
To my understanding, this is a fairly common feeling for many: atleast momentarily, at some point of life. But what if it continues? It just goes on for decades without change. Decades drifting in the ocean.
I met this medical doctor who said to me these feeling are normal. 'Everything is normal. Everyone is normal. Find a job or a two. Fill your life with toil and off you go!'
I have met many medical experts. Without exception all of them swear in favour of the soothing effects of managed life consisting of active and hard labour. I've had no problem with that; for that is the model I was raised upon: 'Fill your life with toil and off you go!'
So I went though my schools, worked and wrote my thesis. Worked a bit there; worked a lot here; worked seldomly over there; worked my way wherever and everywhere. Like a diligent tailor I knit my clothes from small random patches.
But in the end I have realised you are just a buffoon with a stitched patchwork poncho in a world of fast nobles and fancy suits - who tell you to 'just fill your life with toil and off you can go!'
